Please take a minute to read this story: http://www.awakin.org/read/view.php?tid=927
Values provide the very cornerstones of our identity. Values anchor us to our true selves. For these reasons it is crucial we have our values straight. Of course, we follow and express values even if we do not think about them or do not know them. But still, if we live a life of integrity, we know, who we are and what we want and what exactly we would do to get what we want. Maybe not consciously, but we know, we feel what is the right thing to do. I want a life like this and this is why I dug into myself to discover what my values are, the ones that are the closest to me. In other words, to know how to use the wolves that are inside of me, I want to get to know them for my benefit. I just want to commit to these two wolves (i.e. set of values) and thus be true to myself.
The exercises that I have done:
I thought about the three most important life lessons that I have learned
I thought about people that I deeply respect and I described their qualities that I admired
I described who I am when I am my best self
I wrote my one-sentence inscription that I wanted to see on my tombstone. This inscription would capture, who I truly was in my life
At last, with this mindset I got after I did the exercises above, I took hundreds of values. Then I added a few that sounded good to me and determined the 6 that resonated with me the most.
My three most important life lessons
It is important to treat people good. I strongly believe that there is the root of good in every single person and whenever they treat you bad, it is not against you. It is only their projection of frustration/self-hat/other negative feelings. By good, I mean that at the core there is a wish in everybody for love and understanding. Once they do not get this, their ego might go rampant. Yet, once I learn to speak to this core, I will release the natural self of a person. Treating people good is something I learned from my parents. They sometimes treat others even better than themselves, which I think shows a lack of integrity. The general notion of giving a chance to everybody resonates with me big time.
One has to grab fortune by her tail, one should not wait for a better opportunity once one has a good opportunity. You know what you want, you have an opportunity to do it, then go and fucking do it! I have wasted so many opportunities and feel huge regret because of that. This is why I feel going for opportunities is so important. This feeling of importance I want to come from the deep inside of me. Don’t wait for a better than good opportunity is a lesson that I learned from my driving instructor. He pushed me with this sentence when I was hesitant driving into a roundabout. How right he was and not only about the roundabout but life in general!
It is important to do the things you love and to do them often. In my life I had only two problems with working hard on good goals: working hard and setting good goals. According to my life experience, a bad goal does not motivate me and compromise gets me bored. Something tells me that I actually do not even have to have goals, once I listen to my inner voice and learn to listen carefully, it will bring me to amazing places. In an ideal world, I am driven by my conscience and I simply do things in accordance with this conscience. Only this way I can live a life that I can look back on with a smile on my face. I would all come naturally to me. I guess this is what Csíkszentmihályi describes as flow.
The people I deeply respect
I thought back on the people that I deeply respect. In general, it is hard for me to respect anybody. My best guess is that I naturally look for reasons I could hate people and I assume from the start that people hate me. This is my self-defense mechanism that drives everybody away from me. Works like a miracle I have to say.
Despite all the self-hate fueled driving away of people, I have people I think about often. I translated this feeling into a kind of adoration in my head. These people are the following:
Gyuri: My childhood friend. He has his periods of super hard working that are altered with periods of self-hate and resentment. However, even if he has his ups and downs, he could always work on the things he loved and work on them like a maniac. Even he has bumps in his motivation, he never gave up two of his loves: programming and playing the guitar. This maniac determination and deep loyalty to his loved I admire in him the most. The third thing I love about him is his lust for knowledge and how he presents this knowledge. Once Gyuri gets obsessed with something he wants to know everything about this thing and gains as much knowledge as possible. Then he argues and presents his obsession but he is always ready to hear and contemplate counterarguments.
Gergő: He stands firmly on his two feet, and when he decides to do something he wants, he does it. Doubts do not matter, he acts according to the goal he set for himself. Once Gergő has a goal he works on them hard until he achieves it. Hard work and keeping himself to his promises are the traits that I deeply admire in Gergő. He also has the argumental traits of Gyuri and this is also a big plus for me.
Martin: It is amazing how kind he is to everybody. He is generous and always spends a lot of time with his friends. He also knows very well, how to make somebody feel good. This genuine kindness is I respect the most in Martin. He can always keep his positive attitude and this is also something I admire. Women
Eszter: What I adore in Eszter the most is her intelligence and the efficiency she can absorb knowledge and understand hard concepts. Apart from being intelligent, she also works hard to achieve the level of knowledge she has. Her life is always somehow in place and she is super reliable and stable person. This trustworthiness and level of delivery another trait that I deeply like in her. She is also a maximalist, whenever she has a task or promises something, she delivers on the highest level possible.
Levi: We were in high school, I was 16 and he was 15. Levi was my friend, not a very close one but a good acquaintance for sure. On one great summer day he decided to jump on his shitty bike and go to France to study. I thought he is stupid, idiot, completely out of his mind but he did what he wanted to do. He lived and studied in France, went to Sweden for Erasmus, travelled everywhere possible, got arrested in Iran and now he is in China teaching English. Well, he is probably there at the moment. Now I am 30 when I am writing these lines and I know that the big idiot was me. This courage and good faith Levi has I have never seen in anybody else and I adore it bug time!
World Youth Day: This is not a person but an event full of young Catholics, which took place in Krakow in 2016. At the beginning, I was skeptical because I had a bitter and loathsome attitude towards religion like many in my generation. However, I was still curious how this event would look like. It meant 1 million people coming from all over the world to Poland after all! In the end, my curiosity won over my skepticism and I joined the WYD. Boy, did I like it! It was amazing to see and feel the benevolent spirit this group of people had. Everybody was polite, kind and happy to speak about their experience in Catholicism and did so in a non-pushy, super inspiring way. At one point we all gathered in the middle of a field where we lit one candle each. There was chill running back and forth on my spine as looked at the one million candles on the field. This is what I feel again now when I write about the vigilia. Up to this very moment, this was the absolute best spiritual moment in my life that I will appreciate until I die.
Who am I when I am my best self?
When I am at my best, I am an open, smiley and without worry. People feel good with me, we laugh together, have fun together. We have an open and understanding conversation about pretty much anything that interests us. I am honest to the maximum but, I am always explaining the reasons for my opinion and I always separate my opinion from reality. This is the kind of feedback I give and people can digest and appreciate the most. I radiate confidence and benevolence. I am full of vigour and I want to act and do good whatever I feel necessary to make life better. I am focused on my life using my full mind to connect to my life in this moment.
My one-sentence inscription that truly describes me and I want to see on my tomb
Here lies Gábor, the true friend and great lover, who showed an example with his humanity and benevolence to the generations to come.
The Values I determined from myself for myself
After the exercise above I kept my findings in mind and collected about two hundred different values. After adding some more that sounded good to me I proceeded to the elimination process. I separated these values into three groups: very important, important and not important. Then I kept only the very important group and did the same exercise only with the values that were in the very important group. I continued until I had only a few left. The goal was to have five but I did not want to drop any from the last six. I decided to keep these: Openness, Courage, Benevolence, Joy and Responsibility. I am going to write about these values more in detail, dedicating one post for each.
Picture source: https://uk.pinterest.com/explore/two-wolves-tattoo/?lp=true (last checked: 18.06.2017)